A Not-So-Love Story

Love has been driving me crazy the past few days. Well, not that I am the victim, but the villain.

We have known each other for almost eight months now, and last December, he had told me about his more-than-friends feelings for me himself through facebook chat. Now, I got something to say bad about virtual tech. And say what, I hated him. I hated anyone who tells me he's [SERIOUSLY] in love with me. I hate it. Just imagine how beautiful I must be :P But, hey, this time, I tried not to show my hatred and disappointment. I tried, I swear. I told him, alright, I have nothing to say, and it's nice that you tell me what you feel, end it there, enough (cause i don't wanna give a damn <-- I didn't say that).

I let it go and let the atmosphere go all natural between us just like before. I'm good at it. Always. But he had been giving me gazillions of scary text messages and fb messages with i miss yous and i love yous and smileys with lips pouting. Shit that.

Come on, I am not that boring to have not chatted my friends, boys and girls, with sound kisses and tight hugs. But, you got to take note that I am comfy doing that with those who does not have any other intention more than just befriending and catching up with me. And, excuse me, I told him 'enough' after he had confessed his feelings, right? ENOUGH NA YUN. He scared me. But, we're okay now. He stopped already after I replied him, crazy. I felt bad for restricting him, but thank goodness, I'd done it!

I felt freed, something like it.

Look, I have been longing for a big brother ever since I can remember for I am an only-child, a discontented child, a bad child. I do not really know if it contributes a percentage to my behavior towards my men friends, but I seldom see any of them as a romantic partner, my romantic partner. I see them as my big brothers. Will I ever get a boyfriend because of my situation? (‘Cause somehow, I wanted someone’s who’s of my age or few months or years older.) IDK. Hell.

Well, I do have lots and lots of crushes and I usually tell everyone about their handsomeness. But, dare you, if any of them become a friend of mine, the crush element simply melts down, and my heart for a brotherly sisterly love burns wild.

I have a good news, though. There is someone from highschool that I still fall for everytime I remember him. Is he the one for me? I hope so. Though, I knew that he never liked me as someone to be loved as his lover forever. Plus, he's a year younger than me, yata. I did have a lot of sweet memories with him, all taken for granted, guilty pleasures. I hope he remembers them too well too (Sure. He can disregard my 'sweet' category for that matter).

All the sweet things I usually get from or exchange with people, sweet acts and words, just pass through me without really having been acknowledged enough. I just do/can not understand what these boys liked about me (as if me nagkakagusto HAHAHABA NG HUR). I can never afford to believe them. Plus, I feel like going to be gone soon if they'll no longer be my big brothers. I will cry. Hard. Really.

Please excuse the impossible trait that you’ve just read.

Prince Charming

To hear the rough instrumental version and to know more of my original song, follow this link https://soundcloud.com/sharazalyn/prince-charming 

I
All my life
I keep on dreaming
To meet someone, how amazing
To love me real
Love me true
Love me for me, too!
Make me smile
All the while.

II
All my life
I keep on wond'ring
The meaning of love
Does it exist?
Or is it real?
Why some tell that it has no fear?

Refrain
I will hear the sweetest bells
Ringing how a star foretells
The fate of life of all designs
And the one that would be mine..

Chorus
For I wanna see that prince
So charming in my dreams
For I wanna be with someone
Whom my heart does beat
Dance with him on the endless florr
Hand in hand
We'll open the door
To a room of Forever Love..

III
All my life
I keep on thinking
If we will ever meet
Is there a chance?
I hope there is..
Yes, I'll find you for you hold the keys..

Refrain
Chorus 2x

To a room of Forever Love..

My Petrarchan Sonnet

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]

Again, here I am watching airplanes pass

At night, are stars that magically stray

What folks had said I still believe today

And, that of books how one lad met a lass

Have longed like sitting side by side in class

Their love that makes each day, Oh, this I say,

Sure not in parting, love will make a way

Together happy-lying on the grass

Yes, wishes do come true when I'm with you

Closed up in my mind, butterflies entrapped

Oh, God! Oh, no! Was I caught by the fire?

Now, I am asking does he love me, too?

Sweet sounds I hear like pearls all being dropped

I'm so confused. Please. Kindly help me, sire.

Present Government (Anapestic Trimeter)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]

No improving sight seeings I've bait
But decreasing economy rate
High bets here are becoming so late
And in voting must not be that straight

Happy Thoughts (Dactylic Trimeter)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]

Eyes of the one I not know so well

Is he the one my heart once did fell

Fast so untimely in love I feel

When will I see him again to dwell?

KRYSHA LYN ALUTAYA DE JUAN (Trochaic Pentameter)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]

K eeping memories inside of her heart
R hyming words to beautify her poem art
Y earning tears sometimes she shed and impart
S howing happiness is how she restarts
H olding God's hand, feel his safe and warm part
A gonizing just when love one departs

L oving simple hearts though era's Descartes
Y ellow, pink, blue, music sweet as store's art
N othing seemed real, lost when someone played dart

A iring fortunes, one's guide fast as hill's hart.
L oves rat movie watching such as Stuart
U nder stars of miracles stays in cart
T umbling happily with her mom to mart
A lso trusts and loves his father named Art
Y ellow distant twinkling so far apart
A bles some of them to grant wish upstart

D rowning softly right in shallow midst chart
E nvy those who seemed to be a real smart

J ust know how to cross roads, suits Bonaparte
U nder stand signs clearly, measure by quart
A iding properties to stop the thing, thwart
N ever wanted going to smelling fart.

DIDS (Iambic Pentameter)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]

D oes teach us life's great chances, builds us up.
I n his hands, first thought always scares. Hearts stop.
D oes help us put out magic in a snap.
S hares good times, let us see a world, no gap.

SHA (Trochaic Hexameter)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]


S omber, sitting soundless, can't help, sometimes crying.
H appy, laughing so loud, grateful, always smiling.
A ll peace, all love, music all night round, what she's dreaming.

Somewhere (Free Verse)

[I wrote this in my 4th year in HS. We were required to compile self-written stories, poems, etc. You'll be reading the same intro lines over those posts. If not for Sir Dids Morales, my posts here won't be of this amount...and my skills in writing would not have been better.]


When someone makes me cry,

I go there.

When music sings a lie,

I go there.

When something isn't fine,

I go there.

When the sun doesn't shine,

I go there.

When my fire doesn't burn,

I go there.

When carousel doesn't turn,

I go there,

When my stars leaves me dreaming,

I go there.

When my heart almost stops from beating,

I go there.


And that there is somewhere.

Somewhere, where someone's arms

becomes my heaven.

'Cause Girl

I wrote the lyrics of this song when I was in high school. This one's for a special friend named Zara Mari who moved to Canada with her family when we were in our third year.

I
It's raining outside
I'm on my window
Watching the sun
Hiding behind the clouds

II
There are no stars
Twinkling beside my bed
The lights are all out
Thinking of you, my friend

Refrain:
'Cause girl
I miss you
I'm crying,
"I love you"
Wherever you are
Wherever you are

Chorus:
All my life
I've been searching for you
Now that I've found you
You left me on air
But no wonder
It's how life seems to be

I think it's time to let go
But you'll still be a part of me

III
It's getting dark
Glancing on the sky
Waiting for one
Comet to come by

Bridge:
The way you see yourself in me
Is how I see myself in you
Just thinking of you
Just thinking of you

Coda:
Though far from each other
You're still a part of every me

If you wanted to hear me sing it, I will let you soon!

Asintang Sinta (Entry sa Panitikan)

Kapeng buhok,

Nangingintab ang mga hiblang

Sumusungay sa barilyadong nakakuwintas ng tenga ng kalabaw,

Nakapuruntong.

Kita ang mabalahibong binti't maugat na sakong.

Humahagilap sa kulay atsueteng pilandok.

Sa lakas ng kumareng Amiha't konsentrasyon

Di dama ang sadyang pangangalabit

Sa kanyang tenga.

Pangingiliti

Sa kanyang leegan.

Ang pilandok, magiliw.

Naglalaro. Malikot na hinahabol ang makukulay na mariposa.

Maya-maya'y huminto't humigop

Sa sapa.

Dagundong.

Pagkakataon. Pangalawang pagkakataon.

Pagkakataon para sa pawisang barilyadong

Kalabitin ang kurbang dikit sa hintuturo.

Bang!

Kasunod ang hikbi ng nakahilatang pilandok na nilulunod ng namumulang sapa.

Kasabay ang paghabol sa hiningang buhay ng barilyado nalula,

Hawak ang buhok ni Mariang mahigpit ang kapit sa parteng kinakapitan ng kanyang agimat't

Halimaw na panata.

Pulong Hinabi - Art Contest Entry

PULONG HINABI

Hindi ko mawari kung bakit ganyan ang oryentasyon ng larawan.

Tapon

Itim na nagkalat
Sa puting papel
Di kumikinang, di nangingintab,
Kahit anong anggulo
Kahit anong tapat sa sinag na sumisilip sa pawid.
Kaya ipinasyang lukutin,
Hinagis sa kawalan. Tinalikdan.
Namamasa ang palad.
Ikinuyom, ipinunas ang mga daliri
Sa mga guhit ng kapalaran
Sa ilalim ng sinag'y sinipat
Halo ang pawis't tintang madilim
Gulat sa kinitang ginintuang pulbo
Parang usok, pumupormang
Ipo-ipo.

Maya-maya pa'y umuulan na't
Humihiyaw ang mga tawo sa
Pagkabulag.

Regalo ng Gitarista-Bokalista-Soloista sa Edsa

Mga yapak na bumabaon sa malapot na mutang tunaw
Sumisilid patungong ugat ng dyaryong kalat na ang tintang
Mas binubutas ng mabigat na pwetang
Sinasalo ng putim at marupok na
Karsursilyo.
Karsursilyong tastas ang bulsa
Sa talas ng kalawangi't putol-putol
Na kwerdas.
Musikerong asul,
Beinte tres anyos.
Balot ng simpleng sandong dilaw,
Malinis ang kuko't
Walang sapot ang buhok.
Boses'y may gintong halaga
Ngunit piniling ibahagi ng libre
Sa mga pusong uhaw sa pag-asa't saya.
Sandata niya'y musika.
Di siya mapili.
Kahit anong makaaaliw, makaaantig
Sa tengang antigo ng mga biyaherong
Sigeng baybay sa kahabaan
Ng Edsa.

Ito'y regalo nya sa mundo.
Pati sa sariling maagang binawian ng abilidad duminig,
Nabubuhay sa pagramdam ng katal-katal.

Wew

Saan naman tayo titira pagkatapos mo mag-college?

Susunod lang tayo kung saan ka maka-trabaho.

Yan ang sabi-sabi.

Umasa. Oo.

Nabigo.

Nanghihinayang. Gustong kumawala.

Gustong umunlad.

Ngunit nasa bangin ang espasyo ng oportunidad.