Love has been driving me crazy the past
few days. Well, not that I am the victim, but the villain.
We have known each other for almost
eight months now, and last December, he had told me about his more-than-friends
feelings for me himself through facebook chat. Now, I got something to say bad
about virtual tech. And say what, I hated him. I hated anyone who tells me he's
[SERIOUSLY] in love with me. I hate it. Just imagine how beautiful I must be :P
But, hey, this time, I tried not to show my hatred and disappointment. I tried,
I swear. I told him, alright, I have nothing to say, and it's nice that you
tell me what you feel, end it there, enough (cause i don't wanna give a damn <-- I didn't say that).
I let it go and let the atmosphere go
all natural between us just like before. I'm good at it. Always. But he had
been giving me gazillions of scary text messages and fb messages with i miss
yous and i love yous and smileys with lips pouting. Shit that.
Come on, I am not that boring to have not chatted my friends, boys and girls, with sound kisses and tight hugs. But,
you got to take note that I am comfy doing that with those who does not have
any other intention more than just befriending and catching up with me. And,
excuse me, I told him 'enough' after he had confessed his feelings, right? ENOUGH
NA YUN. He scared me. But, we're okay now. He stopped already after I replied
him, crazy. I felt bad for restricting him, but thank goodness, I'd done it!
I felt freed, something like it.
Look, I have been longing for a big
brother ever since I can remember for I am an only-child, a discontented child,
a bad child. I do not really know if it contributes a percentage to my behavior
towards my men friends, but I seldom see any of them as a romantic partner, my romantic partner. I see them
as my big brothers. Will I ever get a boyfriend because of my situation? (‘Cause
somehow, I wanted someone’s who’s of my age or few months or years older.) IDK.
Hell.
Well, I do have lots and lots of
crushes and I usually tell everyone about their handsomeness. But, dare you, if
any of them become a friend of mine, the crush element simply melts down, and
my heart for a brotherly sisterly love burns wild.
I have a good news, though.
There is someone from highschool that I still fall for everytime I remember
him. Is he the one for me? I hope so. Though, I knew that he never liked me as
someone to be loved as his lover forever. Plus, he's a year younger than me, yata. I did have a lot of sweet memories
with him, all taken for granted, guilty pleasures. I hope he remembers them too
well too (Sure. He can disregard my 'sweet' category for that matter).
All the sweet things I usually get
from or exchange with people, sweet acts and words, just pass through me
without really having been acknowledged enough. I just do/can not understand
what these boys liked about me (as if me nagkakagusto HAHAHABA NG HUR). I can never afford to believe them. Plus, I feel like
going to be gone soon if they'll no longer be my big brothers. I will cry. Hard.
Really.
Please excuse the impossible trait
that you’ve just read.
