2025 Okt 5 - Napakakalat! Tara, linis!
Love has been driving me crazy the past few days. Well, not that I'm the victim—more like I'm the one causing the problem.
We've known each other for almost eight months now. Last December, he confessed his more-than-friends feelings for me through Facebook chat. And here's where I have something bad to say about virtual technology: I hated it. I hate when anyone tells me they're seriously in love with me. I just hate it. Imagine how beautiful I must be, right? Ateeeeee kooo? But this time, I actually tried not to show my hatred and disappointment. I swear I tried. I told him, "Alright, I have nothing to say. It's nice that you told me what you feel," and I tried to end it there. Enough. ANSABEEE
I let it go and tried to keep the atmosphere natural between us, just like before. I'm good at that. Always have been. But then he started sending me Gazillions of scary text messages and Facebook messages—"I miss you," "I love you," smileys with lips pouting. God, no.
Look, I'm not so boring that I haven't chatted with my friends—boys and girls—with the same imys, ilys, sound kisses, and tight hugs. But here's the thing: I'm only comfortable doing that with people who don't have any ulterior motives, people who just want to be friends and catch up with me. And excuse me, I told him "enough" after his confession, right? Enough na yun. He scared me.
We're okay now, though. He finally stopped when I responded baliw. Crazy ride! I felt bad for restricting him like that, but thank goodness I did it. I felt freed, something like that.
Here's the thing: I've been longing for a big brother ever since I can remember. I'm an only child—a discontented child, maybe even a bad child. HAHAHA oki ka ra, ti? I don't really know if this contributes to my behavior toward my guy friends, but I seldom see any of them as romantic partners. I see them as my big brothers. Maybe it's the Sandosenang Kuya HAHAHA Will I ever get a boyfriend because of this? I mean, I want someone my age or just a few months or years older. I don't know. Hell. HAHAHA oki ka ra, ti? you're not interested in this rn it's 2025!
I do have lots and lots of crushes, and I usually tell everyone about how handsome they are. But here's what always happens: if any of them become a friend of mine, the crush element simply melts away, and my heart for a brotherly-sisterly love burns wild instead.
I have good news, though. There's someone from high school that I still fall for every time I remember him. Is he the one for me? I hope so. Though I know he never liked me as someone to love forever. Plus, he's a year younger than me, I think. I did have a lot of sweet memories with him—all taken for granted, guilty pleasures. I hope he remembers them just as well. (Sure, he can disregard my "sweet" category if he wants.) sino diay! mas bata HAHAHA daef!
All the sweet things I usually get from or exchange with people—sweet acts and words—just pass through me without really being acknowledged enough. I just don't understand what these guys see in me. (As if there are so many—hahaha, ang haba ng hurr. WAAT HAHAHA) I can never afford to believe them. Plus, I feel like I'm going to lose them if they can no longer be my big brothers. I will cry. Hard. Really. REALLYYYY?! Pa-cry pa talaga ang ferson HAHAHAHA
Please excuse this impossible trait you've just read about. Eto lang maganda sa buong sulat na to, e
